Tuesday, 21 April 2015

asdfghjkl

Terbangun. Tak leh tido balik. Hari ni pergi sekolah. Rutin harian kembali macam biasa. Orang kata kita kena bersyukur. Fikir ramai lagi orang nak duduk tempat kita. Aku kata meh la tukar tempat. Aku macam tak sanggup lagi nak duk sini. Rasa tak ikhlasnya tinggi sangat. Tak tahu apa jadi. Loss identity ke cemana ntah. Seminggu cuti yang buat aku rasa bahagia sangat sebab tak perlu berurusan dengan ramai manusia. Seminggu cuti yang buat aku sedar betapa gembiranya diri aku bila berada di rumah. Masuk kelas, rasa tak layaknya duk sini. Banyak benda tak tahu. Banyak benda yang kena baca sendiri. Tapi tak tahu nak baca kat mana. Dan tak tahu bila nak baca. Penat. Nak bertahan. Duk pujuk diri, sikittttt lagi nak habes walaupun sebenarnya lama lagi. Tapi penat sangat. Macam bole jadi gila lama-lama. Mengeluh ja mampu. Dah penat jadi kuat. Seriously hati ni memang meronta-ronta nak berhenti belajar. Tapi bila fikir mana lah ada duit nak bayar JPA balik memandai ja nak berhenti susahkan umi ayah. Patutlah besar ganjaran orang yang menuntut ilmu. Tapi bila ikhlas tu takleh nak dapat, memang penat je lah kita dapat hari-hari. Kadang-kadang terfikir best jugak kalau ada dissociative identity disorder. Cipta personaliti lain sebab nak lari dari kehidupan biasa hmm. Belum call patient untuk minggu ni. Serius rasa down teruk dari dulu. Nak jadi positif, but I can't. Bangun Amalia. But how? :'(

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Gwaenchana .

When two persons share same feeling towards each other, I thought they should keep their feeling like people always said, "jaga hati", and keep trusting each other? Am I wrong?

Is she a toy? He keeps telling her to accept other guy that easily like she does not have any right to choose her partner. Is her heart a toy? "Don't expect too much, don't hope too much." "If there's a man your family chose for you, keep going" Is her heart a stone? Does she have to accept someone who she does not want to be with just like that? Is it that easy for him to give her up? Is she a cheap thing? You can give, you can get. Does he know how the girl feels when she realized that? "Like we are close." So it is not that close to him but it is for her. "I guess we can't be too close after this." Does he know how much her heart hurts listening to it? How about him? Does he okay with it? Does he feel alright when giving her part of heart that he received to another guy that easily? Does he really fine?

So it's not the same feeling I guess.