Saturday, 10 October 2015

Just .

   "Orang tanya gelak pulak. Betul ke nak jadi Dr ni?" Dr tanya bila aku tak boleh jawab soalan dalam klinik.
   
   Aku hanya tersenyum dan mampu ketawa. Aku tak reti menipu. Itu kelemahan aku. Soalan tu aku tahu sangat jawapannya. Cuma takkan nak bagitau Dr pulak kan. That's why aku tak jawab. Kalau aku jawab confirm aku menipu.

   Bila junior mintak nasihat, kita selalu pesan "Masa ni lah kawan penting. Support kawan tu penting. Kita nak naik tahun sama-sama, nak graduate sama-sama."

   Kelakar kan? Sebab kenyataannya depan kawan-kawan sendiri kita macam hipokrit pun ada. Selalu gelak, macam takde masalah, selalu gosip, selalu gurau pasal crush. Kawan sepatutnya ada di waktu senang dan susah. Tapi selalunya waktu senang je kot share dengan kawan-kawan :) Dan aku perasan bila jadi gedik, baru la ada benda nak sembang dengan diorang. Balik kelas masing-masing dengan komitmen masing-masing. Semua dengan gadget masing-masing. Hujung minggu semua pakat balik. Except me. And then I'm becoming more and more introvert. Katil jadi kawan baik. Tempat tadahan hujan when things go hard. Even the roommates don't know about my homesick. Bila busy boleh lari dari perasaan nak balik tu, tapi bila hari cuti, bila semua orang balik, you don't know how hard me struggling alone. I cannot act like a strong person anymore because there is no one around to show off. Bila ada orang takkan kita nak tunjuk kita lemah, ye dak? I miss Yan Affaf Adnin. Those who I can cry in front of them whenever I need someone beside me. Those who I can share about feeling being away from home. Sebab kami semua orang jauh. Roommate tak berapa jauh ni dua minggu tak balik dah bising nak balik. So how can I tell them?

   Things are not well. Almost two months started clinic for this semester, my requirement is in static. No restoration be done, neither Cons nor Paeds. No new patient with many cases. Denture patient is still in review stage. No new patient for denture. No patient for root canal treatment. Haven't start any treatment in Perio. And I'm struggling alone. My family doesn't know. They can't know. Even cannot call umi dan ayah. Hearing their voice just make me wanna cry like a baby. The roommates don't know. The friends also don't know. Gwaenchana. Everybody has their own problem.

But you do know. I am telling you this. Keep it as a secret, please. Because I am a strong girl in a big world :)

Two years more. Insya Allah everything will go fine. Allah ada.

5 comments:

hidayah_daisy said...

may Allah ease yr journey, sis :)

nik amalia nasrulliana said...

thank youuu. and you too insyaAllah :))

Aini Afiqah Msy said...

Maybe you seem fragile,
but I know deep inside your heart
You are stronger than you think.

May Allah embrace you with His love, My Dear Amalia.

:)

Aini, Nilai.

nik amalia nasrulliana said...

thank you ainii. lama tak jumpa aini. rindu laa :)

Anonymous said...

sedih nyerr sis semoga sis kental T~T