Saturday, 17 June 2017

Chapter 34

Assalamualaikum :)

Final exam dah habes. Alhamdulillah dah sampai Kelate malam tadi. Tinggal nak tunggu result ja insyaAllah semua lulus ameen.

Kali ni aku nak cerita satu benda :) As I told you in the previous post, aku berjaya lulus untuk clinical requirement dan competency test yang membolehkan aku graduate on time, alhamdulillah. Actually, in my thought, I think I succeed finishing them due to I managed to get out from doing the same sin continuously. That means I have not keep any ajnabi in my heart nowadays. Bila kita lebihkan pergantungan pada Allah, everything will become just fine.

Dulu, dari tahun 1 sampai tahun 4, I fell in love with someone. He is my classmate. We started being close on holiday after tamhidi. I started to like him in the 1st year. Everyone knows about us. Junior pun tahu. But then, in year 4, he left me as he clarified that he did not like me as the same as I felt. He wanted to be free from me. He did not want me to tell stories to him anymore. He said that he is evil, he is a bad person, he said not to trust him. I did not understand why he changed, for me he is a good person. I blinded with love maybe. But now I know the reason he said it.

At that time when he rejected me, I was in despair for a few months. It is about 10 months I cannot move on from him haha so silly of me. I had a hard time when seeing him in class, in clinic, everyday. Gila lah kalau nak cakap tak gila. Meroyan kot. After 1 year, in my final year, I managed to think less about him, as I was too busy with clinics and labwork. Balik kelas terus tido. I stopped stalking him from everyday, to once a week, to once a month, and to no stalking. That means I have moved on. But sometimes, when I had hard times, bila ada masalah klinik, bila rasa stress busy sangat sampai tak sempat lunch, I missed him. I tried so hard to prevent myself from telling him my problem. Dah banyak kali taip kat whatsapp dia, but I deleted, closed my phone, cried, and slept instead. It was sooooo hard to resist myself. But now I am glad that I managed to get through all the challenges and hard time alone, only depend to Allah only, despite of humans.

Dulu, dia selalu concern pasal aku, listened to all my stories, gave advice, bring me up when I was down. He was my bestfriend and loyal listener for 4 years. Nope, at first it is not me who liked him. Aku kawan macam biasa. Ramai ja kawan laki. But he is different. He is that one friend who always chatted with you everyday and on the weekends. Changing presents on each birthday, sharing assignments, using our facebook chatbox as google drive, lol. I learnt a lot from him. That caused my heart changed from just friend, to like and then to love. But it is only one-sided love. Even he rejected me for a few times, my heart still fluttered when everytime my eyes met with his eyes. I accepted that he did not like me. I blocked him on social media to forget about him. I tried so hard to ignore anything about him anymore. I stopped. Until yesterday...

You know, trust is like a paper. Bila kertas tu direnyuk, it will not return to its original state anymore. Yesterday, I feel like I was hit by a lightning. Tak pernah nanges seteruk semalam. I knew the truth the night before yesterday. I slept for only one hour as I do not know how to accept it. My female bestfriend suddenly confessed to me. She said that my guy bestfriend confessed to her that he liked her since tamhidi. She also said that she liked him too but since I was too obvious showing my love to him, she kept the feeling by herself. It must be hurt for her. It was about 6 months since the confession. That means they have some-some relationship behind me for about 6 months. She said that she wanted to tell me earlier but she had no strength to do so, she was afraid that I will be heartbroken during our study. She knows me well. She knows how hard it is for me to move on from that guy. She is always beside me, listened to my one-sided love story for too long. Many people know. Many of our friends realized about them since long ago. They said that they are obviously in relationship. Only me, who do not know anything. I feel stupid. Very stupid. I know I was stupid as I cannot move on from him for so long, but I feel more stupid when I do not suspect anything on my girl bestfriend. She covered it well. I feel betrayed. The trust is broken into pieces but I shouldnt. Actually all of this started because of my misunderstanding. I misunderstand him. I thought he liked me. I feel stupid, I feel angry, but I cannot do anything. I feel angered but I cannot hate them. It is not their fault to like each other. It is my fault to misunderstand thing. I love my girl bestfriend very much. I do not want to hurt her. I do not want our 5 years friendship being crushed just because a man. I also cannot hate the boy eventhough I always said I hate him. I cannot hate him as I loved him so much before. Why does this tragic one-sided love story happen to me? Only Allah knows :)

The girl said that the guy already proposed to her to make her his wife. I am happy for them but at the same time I felt stabbed from the back even I shouldnt. Aku tahu aku bukan sesiapa. Aku tak nak jadi orang ketiga yang menghalang relationship diorang. Allah knows the best. If you are happened to receive their wedding invitation card in the future, korang jangan lah terkejut. Do not hate them, sebab Allah yang pegang hati kita. Allah dah tetapkan jodoh kita. I feel wronged, but Allah who made it happened. Allah knows my painful love story. It hurts so much but Allah knows I can get through this thing. Doakan aku kuat.

I know there will be someone who sincerely loves me insyaAllah. Aku tahu aku tak cantik macam my girl bestfriend, but I know there will be someone who thinks I am beautiful even I am not. There will be someone who will cherish and love me wholeheartedly. Everyone deserves love, right? Dalam cerita korea pun heroin selalu fails in their first love, she's hurt, pastu hero datang. Haha kaitan di situ. Hero aku belum sampai. Belum sampai masa. Belum jumpa. I will wait patiently. Do pray for me :)

Buat adik-adik, fokus study, jangan cuba untuk bercinta. It will affect your study. Korang akan rasa tak tenang. If you have a crush for someone, keep it as best as you can. Jangan jadi macam akak yang kecoh awal-awal, lastnya akak yang mendapat malu. Dan jangan percaya orang 100%. Do not trust your own bestfriend wholeheartedly like me. Put trust only in Allah, not humans. Human disappointed you, but Allah wont.

Saturday, 27 May 2017

Chapter 33


Lamanyaaaa tak updateee. Sorryy couldnt manage to update this blog as frequent as before, too busy since January and guess what its already nearly June. K. Almost five months being in a hiatus. Dan esok puasa! Cepatnya :o

Right now we are in the middle of our study week. Eh we got two weeks for our study break this year. First time ever dapat dua minggu study week ni weh. Jadi sempat lah settle hal benda folder patient, kejar lecturer sana sini nak mintak signature, hantar segala surat yang patut, pulangkan barang lab dan cubicle klinik, refer patient itu ini, alhamdulillah all completed within the first week. Jadi tinggal seminggu lagi untuk struggle pulun habes-habesan for the final professional exam. Our first paper will be on 5th June. Do pray for us, semoga Allah permudahkan urusan Amalia dan kawan-kawan, semoga semua lulus dengan cemerlang, and will be able to graduate on this upcoming November aminn insyaAllah. 

Lama tak conteng blog ni hmmm. In these past few months, I had no strength to do so, had no time to do it. 

Briefly, let me conclude my story, actually I have been going through a difficult and tough journey for the past five months, as I am forcefully struggling and suffocating to complete all my competency tests and clinical requirements on time as I always talked about before. I will tell you guys one by one in my next entries. I promise :)

Surprisingly, at the end of this semester, Allah gave me a miracle and such a huge blessing for me to complete all of them justttt on time finally, alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah. No words to describe the feeling. When the results were out, to know who will sit for final pro exam or not, my heart just dropped and stopped for a second, when I saw the result sheets, I was trembling. Alhamdulillah I passed miraculously. Rasa beban study selama enam tahun hilang begitu saja ya Allah. After too many tears, too many untold stories, too many challenges, too many embarassing moments, too many lessons, dan macam-macam lagi benda dah lalui, semua nya tinggal kenangan. Benda yang elok, kita simpan. Yang tak elok better kita jadikan tauladan. Macam tak percaya I have faced them, all of them. Kecuali final exam ja belum huuu

But unfortunately some of us couldnt make it, including a few of my best friends. Some of them are given another chance to finish the remaining clinical requirements within one month starting this upcoming September, aku yakin korang bolehhh, you can do it seriusss tak tipuu, while two of them have to wait for another six months to sit for final exam. The day of result announcement was very gloomy, unexpected and indescribable moment. But surely is Allah has a better plan for them, Allah knows best indeed. Nevertheless, we will support them always. Do pray for them too. Semoga Allah beri kekuatan. I know they are strong in just the way they are :)

Ok selamat menyambut Ramadhan mubarak korang. Good luck for upcoming pro exam :))

Nah hadiah video selama lima tahun kami bersama. Sedeh pulak nak berpisah :(

See you in the next post. Assalamualaikum ;)

Sunday, 29 January 2017

Chapter 32


Sorry guys to those who are being waiting for my new update this whole time hehe long time no see. I dont know how many of you except for Su and Kerin who waited for my update so eagerly haha ada ke tak entah, so hye everyone. Su already told me a few times to update my blog but she warned me to stop mentioning about that stressful damn clinical requirements haha k I wont. By the way sorry my keyboard key doesnt work for apostrophe punctuation mark, therefore pardon for my grammar. Back to hye everyone, I have been busy lately and didnt have mood to write something up till this moment.

Its chinese new year holiday, 3 days break, but Im alone in this peaceful hostel lol. Guys its already three weeks since my final semester started. All praises to Allah things went well for me this semester but I still dont get in a comfortable zone to not worry about my status, but still I am grateful for what Ive achieved right now alhamdulillah. Just keep praying for things will go in the best way for everyone. Plan well Amalia! You have to run fast and furiously to catch up with your friends! Ops sorry Su I break our promise to not talk about clinical requirement haha k

Ni nak cakap pasal minggu yang baru lepas ni. Seminggu takda partner klinik dia pi posting HUSM weh, aku ingat ke laut dah kerja klinik aku tapi alhamdulillah Allah dah plan cantik punya, masa aku takde assistant, kebetulan ada ja kawan yang free patient tetiba takleh datang dan sebagainya so I have assistants for each my clinic throughout this week. Klinik pulak banyak yang habes awal sebab aku sengaja bawak patient kes simple ja sebab dah prepare kot kot takde assistant. Bila pikir balik betul lah kalau kita selalu tolong orang waktu dia perlukan assistant contohnya, Allah akan hadirkan assistant jugak kat kita bila kita perlukan orang tolong. Allah Maha adil. Jadi rajin-rajin lah tolong kawan ye. Kata nak grad togeder-geder. Jangan nak berdalih busy ke apa kalau masa tu ada kita ja yang boleh tolong dia.

Tomorrow will be a big day for someone, good luck chinguya. And Im alone at this 24 years old age. This another thing to ponder of, ya Allah awat lah seketul Amalia ni takde benda lain nak pikir selain klinik dan jodoh hahahaha 24 tahun da weh bukan ke tua -_-

So in a nutshell I just want to update 2017 has being good to me alhamdulillah and I hope it will be same till the end of the year. My ultimate wish for 2017 is to grad on time with all 35 of my friends insyaAllah, and to forget those who dont want to leave my heart hahahahaha just kidding.

Lupa nak pesan, for a few months I wont be blogging as frequent as before k :) Happy new year!

Nah selfie satu kot lah rindu kita :D